The need to be seen and heard
As I reviewed my ‘classmates.com’ guest book to see who had been over to visit my profile I was struck by the names I found there.
Some were from former classmates to whom I’d sent invitations to our 40th alumni gathering a year ago and was still waiting for a return acknowledgment that they had received my ‘letter’ and replied as to whether they were or not interested in attending, or whatever piece of important or trivial information they may have wanted to share.
But share they did not. Reply they did not.
And so it made me think of basic needs: that of being seen and being heard; and what did their not replying to my invitation make me feel.
At first I thought : how rude! To not reply to my invitation. How were they socialized? Where is their sense of etiquette? and on and on.
Then I realized that their choice not to reply had triggered in me some feelings of abandonment which were easily rekindled inside of my soul and heart.
It’s interesting how our thoughts are linked to our emotional memories in our heart space and affect how we think about ourselves and how we view ourselves as either confident and capable or insecure about our identity and what face we show to the outside world.
Then I’m visited by those classmates from other grades and other years of graduation and I think: oh how nice, people I don’t even know are interested in my profile, if only to view my home page.
The funny thing is that of the over 200 contacts to my profile since I signed on to Classmates.com approx. a year ago there have only been a handful of classmates who’ve taken the time to leave a note or share something about their lives. I find that interesting. How we are afraid to reach out, to make new connections, to risk sharing a piece of ourselves without fear of being rejected or diminished somehow.
We need to be seen and heard. This is something we find out when we’re ‘0′ zero to 2 years old. And how we are seen or heard, ignored or assuaged has determined how we see the world around us as either safe or dangerous, secure or insecure. Our sense of safety and security is bound to those early years of experience and memories. Can we detach from those bonds? Are they permanent? I think not.
When I touch those memories of not being heard or seen as a child I now can re-assure my ‘innerchild’ that I deeply love and accept myself and that’s all I need. I’ve learned to look after my early childhood needs which weren’t looked after as well as I would like to remember.